I’ve been substitute teaching a lot recently, and sometimes the things the kids say are nothing short of priceless. Here are a few samples I managed to scribble down:

7th-grader, upon hearing that we’d be eating lunch in the classroom because the cafegymatorium was set up for a graduation reception:  “Can we order some ribs?”

Me: “Tie your shoes.”
3rd-grader: “They came untied yesterday.”

3rd-grader: “This is my folder. It’s blue. It’s my new favorite color.”
Me: “Blue is a great color! What was your favorite color before?”
3rd-grader: “Well, I made something with my buddy…”

Actual 1st-grader-composed spelling sentence: “If you took my pencil, I would tell on you.”

Actual 7th-grade religion test answers:

• The religious vows:  “chastity, obedience, patience”
• The religious vows:  “poultry” (others left blank)
• The theological virtues: “Don’t lip, Don’t cheat, Don’t steal”

Things Teachers Say:

• “Tie your shoes.” (100 times a day, no matter what the grade)
• “You don’t close the window by pushing on the glass.”
• “Stop juggling scissors.”

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