Earlier this month, my friend Rita Buettner published an article about those small things we do — or don’t do — that cause people to leave a parish. She commented:
There are a thousand things we can do to help make our church a more welcoming one for others.
I’ve been on both ends of that situation. Maybe you have, too. We left a parish (looking back, maybe we didn’t give it enough of a chance) when we first moved to this area and then did a little church shopping before landing in our current parish; we eventually moved into the parish’s zip code and then, once it merged, we were officially living within its territory. In other words, we backed into our parish territory.
We didn’t feel welcome in that original parish. And right now, as I see new families filling our pews, people whose faces are quickly becoming familiar, I want to make sure I’m not the reason someone leaves.
I’m a daily Massgoer, and I often am a musician at two of the weekend Masses. At daily Mass, I serve as a lector a couple of times a week and substitute for the sacristan when she’s not available. And I’m a musician at funerals (my fifth funeral this month is tomorrow). I’m there a lot. So I see a lot — good and bad.
It is the whole community, the Body of Christ united with its Head, that celebrates (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1140, emphasis original).
Mass, in other words, is for praying and celebrating as a community. It’s not our private prayer time. There are other people around us, and sometimes they need something. If you were hosting a party and one of your guests needed help, you’d make sure they got that help. Mass is no different.
Rita mentioned parking attendants in her article, and while parking is a perennial problem, we’ve never had the luxury of attendants. We’re a little parish, but I’ve seen many people go out of their way to do little things for someone else that make a world of difference.
Be Aware of the Needs of Others Around You
- Hold the door for someone using a cane, walker, or wheelchair.
- Share the pew.
- Point out the correct page in the hymnal or missal. Share yours if there aren’t enough to go around.
- Open the cry room door for parents with full hands.
Welcome the Stranger (or the Friend You Haven’t Met)
- Give a compliment.
- Encourage the family with kids.
- Say, “It’s good to see you” to someone.
- Invite someone arriving alone to join you at the parish picnic or other event.
A Special Note to Parish Volunteers
If someone is interested in volunteering for your ministry, welcome them. Return their call or email. Make sure they have a task to do. Share materials; teach them what they need to know.
Gatekeeping ministries at church is a big reason people leave. (And you don’t get to do that and then complain that nobody helps you with your ministry.)
The Proof Is in the Pew
A couple of years ago I sang at a funeral. The procession from the funeral home to the church was delayed for almost an hour. We musicians wound up standing near the entrances and letting people know there would be a delay. Everyone was nice about it; it was a nice day, so some people went outside to talk with each other in the parking lot, and others stayed in the church to pray. One couple wound up having a long conversation with the other musician after they realized they had a mutual friend. For the past two years, that couple has showed up at Mass at our parish every single week. They sit right up front. Recently, they told us, “We were going to another parish, but not every week. You made us feel so welcome that we started coming here.”
Bottom line: It’s not that hard to be welcoming. And the payoff goes both ways.
Copyright 2025 Barb Szyszkiewicz
Photos copyright 2024, 2025 Barb Szyszkiewicz, all rights reserved.