Impartial

Earlier this month I reported for Jury Duty.  While it was a big inconvenience, managed only because Big Brother was already home from college and able to retrieve Little Brother from the school bus in the afternoon, I don’t regret participating.

However, I am relieved that after 3 days of voir dire–involving 500 jurors–I was not selected to hear the case.  After listening to the indictment, I was quite sure that there was no way I’d be able to be an impartial juror.

The two defendants were indicted on nearly 50 counts involving the sexual abuse of four teenagers over the course of several years.  One defendant was a police officer in a neighboring town.  One woman left the courtroom in tears after telling the judge that she could not serve as a juror in such a case.  The two defense attorneys managed to get any juror with children over the age of 2 tossed out of the pool right then and there.

I was at the end of the random list of 500 jurors–and one of the last 13 who had not yet been interviewed (50 questions per juror) by the time all attorneys agreed that an acceptable jury had been seated.  But I figured that if I had made it to the interview process, they wouldn’t like my answer to the question regarding my ability to hear this case impartially.

I have two children and seven nieces and nephews in the same age group as the victims in this case (plus my older son and older nephew who are both now over 18).  My husband and I are both deeply involved in volunteer work with children.  And I was ready to be perfectly honest with the judge, the prosecutor and the defense attorney that I did not believe that I could put my first instinct–to protect a child–aside in a situation like this.

I was not ready to say that the defendants were automatically guilty, as I believe in and respect the principles on which our justice system is based.  But I could not be fair about it, and that’s just the way it is.

Unfortunately, this case did not come to trial last week as planned.  The day before the trial, one of the defense attorneys perished in a house fire caused, fire marshals suspect, by smoking in bed.  Now the jury that had been assembled has been excused and the whole thing will start all over again.  Next year.

If children were victimized in that situation ending in 2008, their nightmare is going to continue another year as they wait for justice.  If the two adults were falsely accused, their nightmare will continue.  Either way, it’s not good.

When it comes to backyard disputes over whose turn it is to use the Super Soaker or who made the mess, I’m as impartial as they come.  (You can share it, or it’s mine; and I don’t care who made the mess–I just care that you pick it up when I tell you to.)  But this is way more than a fight over a water gun or the scattered pieces of a board game.  The stakes are too high.  Both sides deserve what I could not give them.

Both sides deserve prayer too, and I struggled to remind myself of that during the reading of the indictment and the juror interviews that followed.  I struggled even more after I was excused from the case and went home to google the gory details–and those details were quite gory.

Even if the adults in this case are found to be innocent, there are many adults who are not.  Today, pray for them and for the children who are their victims.  And pray for those falsely accused and for their accusers.  It’s heartbreaking.

Rethinking

Sometimes you can go along for years believing that a certain person is right about certain things. Whether that’s because you truly agree with them or because they exert an unhealthy influence over your opinion is not what I’m here to discuss (though it’s definitely worth examining.)

And then you find out that this person is wrong–very, very wrong–about something.

Suddenly all those other things you accepted because this person said so, and you trusted them, are suspect as well.

It happens to all of us at some point–someone we’d put on a pedestal falls flat on the ground. Along with them falls all those so-called “truths” that they’d espoused, and of which they’d tried to convince you.

The disillusionment can be tough to take. And it can take a long time to go away. But when it does, a gift is left in its place. Yes, a gift. You are now given the gift of starting over, of looking to form a new opinion, your own opinion. You can have this gift as soon as you are willing to accept it. That means, sometimes, swallowing a little pride. It requires humility and an open mind. But in the end you will be better for the experience. And you get to look at so many things in a whole new way.

(Just for the record, the person I am discussing here is not my husband or any other family member. But beyond that, it doesn’t matter who it is. What matters is that I’m letting go–and it’s long past time for that.)

Multitasking FAIL

In the interest of keeping to an absolute minimum the time the oven would be turned on, I got started on a baking session this evening. I needed a batch of blueberry muffins for tomorrow morning’s Secular Franciscan retreat, and I also wanted to make a pan of brownies for Middle Sister. She’s leaving for a week at the beach with a friend’s family, and I thought it would be nice if she brought along a little treat to share.

So I got out my two big batter bowls and got started on the ingredients. Right off the bat I made my first mistake by putting the wet ingredients for the muffins in the big batter bowl (dry’s supposed to go in there first!) But I figured I could make it work. And then I took the Hershey’s syrup out of the fridge–it’s the secret ingredient in my box-mix brownies. I poured a generous shot of syrup into the wrong batter bowl: the one meant for the blueberry muffins.

I’d finished off the carton of eggs in the kitchen, so I went to our spare fridge and retrieved the carton I had out there. Note to self: that was the last of the eggs. After dumping out the ruined batter, I went to crack an egg and discovered that those eggs were frozen.

My kind neighbor talked me down from the ledge, handed me two eggs to borrow, and told me that while she completely understood my reasons for attempting to bake two things at once, I shouldn’t try it again this evening. Gratefully, I accepted the eggs and the advice.

There are things that just require your full attention. Fortunately, tonight, all that was lost was a couple of eggs, some milk and some vegetable oil. But multitasking can have its price. Just ask a parent who has lost a teenage child who texted while driving.

And what about the spiritual cost? Our attention is divided enough these days. I know that when I’m trying to pray, I struggle with intruding thoughts of shopping lists, chore charts, and what I’ll be making for dinner tonight. Multitasking in other areas will only make us less and less able to lend our full attention to what really matters.

Going Underground

We got some new furniture for the living room last week. I’ve been getting used to it (translation: I’ve been falling asleep in the new love seat a lot). But what has taken even more getting used to is the fact that my desk no longer fits into the living room.

Middle Sister, you see, talked me into investing in a “chair and a half” which is about the size of the old love seat. Plus we got a love seat and a couch. There’s lots of seating in that room now, which is great. But there’s no room for my desk.

That’s OK, in a way…I like that the living room seems less cluttered without my desk. But putting it in the family room means that I am right in the middle of all the action–rather than close to the action, where I can see and hear it, but not in a spot where Nerf basketballs regularly rebound off my laptop screen (note to self: close laptop when not in use).

Summer’s coming–two kids are already out of school and Little Brother only has three half-days left. I’m not yet used to having kids at home during the day–and the combination of one child who leaves the radio on in one room and the TV on in another, which happens to be the room I’m in, and another child’s musical experimentation with a homemade didgeridoo is making me crazy. I can hardly wait to add an eight-year-old boy, who’s in motion so much that he’s blurry in nearly every picture he poses for, to the mix.

I’m jealous of Barb’s “teacher’s meetings” at Panera. I think I’m going to have to work in one of those every week or so. Middle Sister can babysit, since Big Brother starts work on Monday. (What are the odds that he’ll be taking that didgeridoo with him?)

We have an empty desk in the basement that my husband was going to use for his home business. He doesn’t use it–ever. So I may be taking my laptop downstairs, at least to get my work done (see “Blogging for Coupons” in the sidebar). I’ll see how that goes.

Recovery Is Slow!

My surgery was ten weeks ago, and while I was back in the kitchen after two weeks or so and doing light housework after three, I’m not ready to say that I’ve completely returned to normal activities.

Today I spent a chunk of time in the kitchen giving some extra attention to the work table and countertops in there. What a mess. Standards have slipped, folks. I guess that’s how it goes.

Then I moved over to the dining room, because the windows were absolutely disgusting. I’m not exaggerating. They were gross. I could see how dirty they were from twenty paces (the other end of the living room). But those tilt-in-for-easy-cleaning windows are heavy, and I really wanted to be “done” after I did the first one. It would have made a nice before-and-after visual, if I wanted to show my family just how awful the mess can get, but I sucked it up and got it done.

And now I’m done. Well, except for dinner, which is slow cooking, so that’s all good.

I’m having a hard time being patient with my own level of fatigue. Hopefully that will improve soon! I know it’s better than it was, but I’m not where I want to be.

Good News

This morning, we heard some good news about someone who, for various reasons, we’ve fallen out of touch with in the past several months.

Details don’t really matter just now.

What matters is that there was good news. That’s really all that matters. So I shared the good news with my kids, and they were happy about it too.

I’m relieved to note that none of the kids brought up our broken relationship with this person when we discussed the good news. I’m happy that they can rejoice in the good news and the blessing that it represents.

Whether our other differences will ever be resolved is another issue, but it’s good to know that good news is more important than bad blood.

But the roof is only two years old!

Really? Shingles?

Why not just sign me up for my AARP card now?

Busy trying not to scratch here…

Best Thing I Ever Heard at a Funeral

On Thursday, TheDad and I attended the funeral for our friend (and neighbor’s) father. He had passed away on Monday after a long battle with Alzheimer’s, and his wife and daughters had worked tirelessly to honor his request to remain at home through his illness.

During the homily, the priest mentioned that funerals are sacred times. They take you out of your daily routine. And as you take the time to pray for the soul of the deceased person, you also take the time to remember how that person blessed your life–and how you blessed theirs.

How have you blessed someone’s life today?

Snow Day

It’s a snow day today–and that’s a big understatement.

It’s been snowing for more than 12 hours now and we have several inches of snow. No signs of it stopping anytime soon. In fact, a storm that was supposed to give us 6 inches as of yesterday and 12 inches as of this morning is now up to 14 inches PLUS, up to TWO FEET in areas. It’s hard to tell with all the blowing and drifting–my husband’s car is nearly clean because of the way the wind is blowing. But everything blowing off his car is piling up on (and in front of) MY van. Huh.

It’s so snowy that Father cancelled all Masses this weekend. Therefore, the Secular Franciscans will not be hosting our “Living Nativity at Greccio” this year.

TheDad thought that this would be a perfect day for me to bake cookies, but I’m parked on the couch with cramps, Advil and a heating pad. No cookies today–I’m not up for standing in the kitchen for several hours rolling out dough. Not gonna happen. Sorry, cookie eaters. Maybe later in the week.

I should be working out the rest of my pre-surgery meal plans, etc. But I’m not getting much done. That’s OK, I guess. I’ll need to learn to accept that kind of reality 3 weeks from now, so I’ll just consider this practice.

Gaudete

So far, it’s been a disappointing day. The high point was singing at Mass with the folk group; my schedule hasn’t permitted that during the first 2 weeks of Advent and won’t next weekend either. I’d much rather play than sit in a pew. (So would Big Brother, who is volunteering to attend Mass twice on Christmas Day–once because the 9 AM Mass is for his grandfather, so we’re all going to that one, and then back for the 11 to play with the folk group.)

Otherwise, my mood is matching the rainy, cold, crummy weather.

I’d rather be watching Middle Sister’s basketball game. But I am supposed to be stringing lights on the Christmas tree so that later we can decorate.

I’m not in a stringing-lights kind of mood. Not even with the Michael W. Smith “Christmas” album to motivate me.

I need to find a way to rejoice today, despite a rather difficult houseguest situation that is going to resolve itself in a “not a happy ending” kind of way very soon; despite the weather; despite all of it.

I can’t let the Devil get the better of my Gaudete Sunday.