Overheard: The Classroom Edition

I’ve been substitute teaching a lot recently, and sometimes the things the kids say are nothing short of priceless. Here are a few samples I managed to scribble down:

7th-grader, upon hearing that we’d be eating lunch in the classroom because the cafegymatorium was set up for a graduation reception:  “Can we order some ribs?”

scissorsMe: “Tie your shoes.”
3rd-grader: “They came untied yesterday.”

3rd-grader: “This is my folder. It’s blue. It’s my new favorite color.”
Me: “Blue is a great color! What was your favorite color before?”
3rd-grader: “Well, I made something with my buddy…”

Actual 1st-grader-composed spelling sentence: “If you took my pencil, I would tell on you.”

Actual 7th-grade religion test answers:

  • The religious vows:  “chastity, obedience, patience”
  • The religious vows:  “poultry” (others left blank)
  • The theological virtues: “Don’t lip, Don’t cheat, Don’t steal”

Things Teachers Say:

  • “Tie your shoes.” (100 times a day, no matter what the grade)
  • “You don’t close the window by pushing on the glass.”
  • “Stop juggling scissors.”

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A Marriage of Left and Right

sweet and spicy asian chickenWhile putting food on his plate at dinnertime tonight (we eat buffet style), Little Brother dropped a piece of chicken on his foot.

Fortunately, he was wearing socks and I was able to remove the chicken before the sauce soaked through the sock and burned his toes.

He ran upstairs for fresh socks as the rest of us sat down to eat. Returning to the table, he remarked, “It’s a good thing I didn’t get food on both my socks. I had this other sock in my drawer, and it’s the same as the socks I was already wearing, but I couldn’t find the wife…”

Kid Logic Emeritus

fantaThe other day Little Brother opened a Fanta, and I made the mistake of informing him that Fanta is Pope Benedict’s favorite soda.

I also made the mistake of mentioning that Pope Benedict is called “Pope Emeritus” now that he’s retired. Now he’s fascinated by the term “emeritus,” which he somehow thinks is a term that can only be applied to popes.*

He has just declared that he wants to be a professional soccer player (we knew that) and when he’s a soccer player emeritus, he’ll star in commercials.

Aspirations to the papacy have also been mentioned. I guess that’s for when he’s too old for soccer and the commercials deals run out. “I’m not going to be a pope, because there’s only one, Mom. Get your facts straight.”

That’s a lot of ambition right there. However, his hopes of playing on a national soccer team outside the USA have been dashed by the cold, hard facts:  both TheDad and I were born in New Jersey. We’re not immigrants. “I was kinda hoping Dad was born in Poland….are you sure?”

How does he even know the eligibility rules for national soccer teams?

*See the beauty of Kid Logic? Adults had no idea, before this past February, that “emeritus” could be associated with a pope. Kids, though, just take such things in stride.