It’s Prom night for Big Brother.

Due to a multiple-schedule conflict, I am unable to attend “Promenade,” the two-hour-plus pre-prom event at his school. I was not invited to stop at the house where the bus that his group of friends rented would be picking them all up.

So I have no pictures. I wasn’t even here to see him leave.

I hope he remembered the flowers–the ones I had to order yesterday because he hadn’t remembered the flowers.

I was hoping to be able to show up at his school around the time that the prom bus did, so I could at least see him and his friends as they headed in the door.

For that, I have to depend on a text message from my son regarding the timing of said arrival. I haven’t gotten that text yet. And I have to go get Little Brother at his friend’s house in 15 minutes, get him and Middle Sister fed, and then take Little Brother to the cemetery where the Cub Scouts will be placing flags to honor veterans, in advance of Memorial Day.

Big Brother doesn’t seem to care that I’ll be missing this. He seems to prefer it. And I can understand that, because I’m like him, playing many things close to the vest–especially big rites of passage.

However, now that I’m on the other side of the fence, I know just how hurt my parents were when I excluded them, in whatever way, from my own rites of passage.

Growing up is tough. Even when you’re 44.

4 thoughts on “Sigh

  1. This touched my heart, truly, and I tell you why. In 1993, when I had my prom (I ended up marrying my prom date 5 years later, still married!), my parents decided to take a unscheduled trip to see their relatives up north. I was so disappointed when both my parents casually mentioned the trip to me, I can't even describe. I told them, 'Hey wait, I'd love to have you here, to see us off.' They told me, basically, 'tough luck'….Luckily I had two sisters who made the day special for me, and took lots of pics. Later, I asked my mom if she wanted to see them, once they were developed (before digital!) , and her response was even more disheartening, 'Not really,' she said.Even though your teenaged son doesn't seem to care that you are missing this…let me tell you, he is glad that you at least WANT to see him…..and you wanting that, is priceless for a teenager….at least it would have been for me. He knows you are there, and that he can count on you, when he needs you. That's huge.Keep being that kind of mom, and I hope to learn from your example!

  2. AWWWWWWW Barb!!! Big spiritual hugs for you!! I know the first time my oldest wanted me to drop him off at the front door for school, instead of walking him in, I cried in my car for 5 minutes or so! I was crushed! My wife thought I was acting silly, but it really hurt!

  3. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, so we even didn't want our parents at events. I remember my senior year that my brother and I did not bother to tell my father when the sports banquet was – a banquet at which I was getting two letters, and he was getting MVP in track. We didn't want him there.On the other hand, I remember one Christmas my parents showed up at our doorstep with the gifts for my wife, daughters and me, my Dad walked to the door with the gifts and handed them to me (Mom never got out of the car), then he went back to the car and they drove away without coming in. Sigh.I now look back at all those moments with regret. Later on, we always tried to involve them, though they dind't always come.It doesn't sound like you have the same ill will going on – just adolescent self-centeredness.

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