Survivor’s (Wife’s) Guilt

Last fall, Hubs found a ping-pong-ball size lump on his back and it turned out to be cancer:  a sarcoma, which is a rather rare type of cancer. After two surgeries (the first doctor did not suspect cancer) and a course of radiation, Hubs passed his first 6-month check last spring.

That is, of course, the best news I can hope for. I was able to share that good news with one of the moms from school, whose own husband was recently diagnosed with sarcoma. It’s always good to share hope. And, to be honest, it’s easy to share hope.

This dad, who has kids ranging from 11 to 17, had surgery earlier this week. This afternoon I found out that his cancer is stage 4.

Hope is not so easy to share with someone whose husband’s cancer is more advanced and more threatening than my husband’s was. I’m sure that the last thing she wants is for me to tell good-news stories. I’m sure that she is scared and angry and scared and worried and scared out of her mind…and did I mention scared?

I am offering prayers daily. I’m allowing Little Brother to invite her youngest to visit as often as possible. I’m keeping my mouth shut about Hubs being a survivor. She already knows, and I don’t see any sense in mentioning it again. Frankly, I feel terrible about this. 

What can I say or do to extend my support?

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2 thoughts on “Survivor’s (Wife’s) Guilt

  1. don’t know that it’s any help, but what I see with my SIL is that she most of all needed her friends to be THERE for her. (She didn’t have warning, though.) I think being fully present and being her friend is the greatest gift you can give her. That, and your prayers. But maybe I’m being too teary about this… ?

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