Category: School

High School, Round Two

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In only 7 more days, Middle Sister will begin her high-school career.

She is different from her older brother in so many ways, and she fiercely wants to be independent. There is nothing she wants less than to hear someone tell her that Teacher X doesn’t like athletes who leave her class early to go to games, even though she has Teacher X last period every day. To her, these are intrusions, not helpful hints. She wants to find things out on her own.

That’s hard for parents, older brothers, and even friends of older brothers to handle. What we might consider helpful advice is, to her, some kind of hint that she can’t handle things on her own.

For the record, I watched her play goalie on the freshman field-hockey team on Saturday. She’s new to the sport. She managed 7 saves on 9 attempts, so only 2 goals got through. Middle Sister has a lot of energy and a lot of heart. She’s going to do well through sheer determination.

It’s going to be hard not to handle Middle Sister’s high-school years the same way I handled her older brother’s. While she’s happy to hijack his old high-school sweatshirts, she’s not interested in hand-me-down advice.

This might be Round Two for us in this high school, but it’s a whole new era for Middle Sister.

Mom Gets Sentimental

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It’s Graduation Day, which ranks right up there behind flu season and the DVD release of a tearjerker chick flick in total tissue sales.

This is the first of two graduations in our family in a span of eight days, so the tissues will be in short supply indeed.

Tonight Big Brother will graduate high school and will be launched into the big, exciting, and even a little scary world of college and beyond. I couldn’t be more thrilled.

He’ll be attending LaSalle University in the fall, which I believe is a wonderful choice for him. When we went to the school’s open house, I was impressed by the level of personal attention the students and prospective students received. I don’t want my kid falling through the cracks, and I loved the environment the university created. The university’s neighborhood, not so much…I’ll worry about that part of it, but moms need something to worry about.

Big Brother has really grown a lot during his school career. During his primary-school years, he was a very cautious kid. He wasn’t one to take risks or go on “scary” amusement-park rides. And when presented with a choice of doing two fun things that happened to be mutually exclusive due to schedule constraints, he’d agonize over which thing to pick.

This same kid was voted “Most Likely to Become a Pirate” by the senior class. On the class trips, he rode every roller coaster at least once. There’s a full-page picture of him in the yearbook dangling from a rock-climbing wall, and he’s learned that he loves whitewater rafting and canoeing.  He took flying lessons for a while, earned his Eagle Scout rank, and in the span of one short year learned to play the guitar well enough to secure a music ministry scholarship for college.  Now he’s working on the mandolin, bass, and banjo, and is figuring out how to build his own didgeridoo.  (I don’t know if that one’s going to college with him, though!)

Over the years, Big Brother has grown in many ways.  His lawn-mowing skills have progressed from decapitating a forgotten Fisher-Price person to completely shredding the cap to our sewer-drain cleanout pipe, as well as at least one tennis ball.   His artistic achievements include stamping, in 6-foot letters in the snow, “PANTS ON THE GROUND” in front of his school (yes, that made the yearbook too).   He has built couch-cushion “bunkers,” snow forts, cardboard-box forts for Little Brother and for his own friends when they participated in the 30-Hour Famine, Homecoming floats, stage sets, and Habitat houses in Philadelphia and post-Katrina Mississippi.   He has made toast over the flame of an Advent candle and helped his Boy Scout troop win the Iron Camp Chef competition.

I’m very proud of Big Brother and looking forward to seeing what the next few years will hold for him.  I’m going to miss him when he is off at school, but I’m very excited for him at the same time.  (And think of all the money I’ll save when I don’t have to constantly stock up on pretzels and Dr. Pepper!)  Congratulations to him and to the whole class of 2010!

Senior-Mom-itis

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Two of my kids will be graduating this year: one from high school, the other from eighth grade. And I’ve got Senior-Mom-itis.

Both my graduates have senioritis pretty badly. My daughter’s teachers aren’t helping; there’s not much homework being assigned these days. And once Big Brother made the commitment to accept the very generous scholarships offered him by LaSalle University, it was like a switch had been flipped.

Turn him over–he’s done.

I’m just as bad. Today is report-card-and-conference day at his school. They don’t mail these report cards home; parents must show up at school and pick them up. If they want to, they can have a short conference with any of their child’s teachers as well. I usually take advantage of that. There’s almost never a problem, but it is nice to go in there and hear nice things about my kid from several teachers. Conference day is good for my ego.

I think, though, that my ego’s going to survive without today’s conferences. Big Brother has three A’s and one B in his four classes. He’s only got six weeks more of school. He’s done. And I’m done. I’m proud of his hard work and thrilled that he’s been accepted into a good college and rewarded for his studies and other commitments. So I’m going to pick up his good report card, thank the secretary who’s handing them out at the door, and head back home.

Committed and Challenged to Serve

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Big Brother has been offered a “jackpot” scholarship package by LaSalle University, which was my top pick for him even before scholarship offers were on the table. I was impressed with the university for many reasons, not the least of which was the interest in the prospective students that was displayed by professors, department chairs, deans, and others at the Open House we attended last fall.

One of the three scholarships Big Brother was offered at LaSalle was academic: a half-tuition award. The second was the Community Service Scholarship, requiring a separate application, special recommendations, and a personal interview. This one offers money toward tuition and a perk: he’d be guaranteed a spot in a certain (air-conditioned) dorm. All the Community Service Scholars live in this desirable location and participate in certain activities as a small community. In return, he would commit to 10 hours per week of community service.

Finally, he just learned yesterday that he is also offered a Liturgical Music Scholarship. He’s been playing the guitar and mandolin at Mass for just under a year (the first time was last Easter) and he’s scored a scholarship for this! Clearly I went to the wrong college, because I was never offered a scholarship for doing something that I willingly did for free, twice every weekend. In return for this scholarship, he will have to commit to playing at a certain number of campus Masses.

I won’t have to worry that he isn’t making time for Sunday Mass now.

What impresses me about these two (non-academic) scholarships is that they are offered at all. Clearly the University wants to make a point: by rewarding service such as community service and music ministry, the University shows how important and valuable such service is. I know that my son, given the opportunity, would find a way to continue working with Habitat for Humanity or other service organizations, and I’m quite confident that he’s going to want to keep participating in music ministry (something he does twice every weekend, at two different churches, just because he enjoys it so much). He would do that without any financial compensation. But he is being challenged now, by these awards. His challenge is to make time in his student’s schedule for serving others, to balance his commitment to schoolwork with his commitment to the community, to give up some of his free time that might otherwise be spent playing video games and instead use it to help others.

So I’m proud that he has received these offers and excited about the opportunity he has been given. What a gift!

Impressive

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Today I chaperoned an eighth-grade trip.

My daughter’s class went on a pre-Confirmation retreat. We drove 1 1/2 hours to the retreat house (at the beach), where the students listened to a short talk by the priest who was coordinating the day. After that, they saw a prolife video that showed how babies develop in the womb–and just how soon after conception the heartbeat, brain waves and other functions have already gotten started. Mass was next, followed by lunch, a short activity on the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and then cleanup for departure.

The students were lucky to have as their retreat director Monsignor Michael Mannion, who has not only worked with Mother Theresa and been a campus minister at several universities but also has worked with Project Rachel, a group that ministers to post-abortive mothers and fathers. Msgr. Mannion and my daughter’s teacher strongly believe that it is never too early to teach children about the sanctity of life and the value of each person.

In his opening remarks to the students and later during his homily, Msgr. Mannion explained the difference between “idols” and “heroes.” Idols, he said, are people who may work very hard at what they do–but it is for their own gain. Heroes, on the other hand, work very hard so that others, rather than themselves, will benefit. He challenged this group of 30+ teenagers to strive to be heroes, rather than idols; to use the gifts of the Holy Spirit in ways that will help other people. The day closed with the famous reading about love from St. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians.

The day was definitely worth the long ride on an unheated school bus. I hope that the eighth-graders were inspired by Msgr. Mannion’s presentation and Mass today.

Flu = Plague, says the principal

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Yesterday the following newsletter came home from my younger kids’ school:

Today we celebrate and honor St. Charles Borromeo, who lived in Italy during the time of the Protestant Reformation. St. Charles was very instrumental in bringing reform to the church. St. Charles, although born to affluence, became a role model for all. St. Charles was willing to serve others in many ways. One was by administering to those afflicted with the plague in Milan.
The local public school district has invited all students in our school, whether they reside in the district or not, to be included in the distribution of the H1N1 vaccination.

Hello? Did the principal of the school just equate the Swine Flu with the Plague? Way to give in to the panic! Let’s scare the parents into making sure our kids get the vaccine. Yeah, that’ll work.

There is one good thing about the “pandemic” Swine Flu right now. Many parents are keeping sick kids home (where sick kids belong). At the school library today, some kids announced that a certain child was sick with the Swine Flu. The librarian informed them that yes, the boy was home sick, but we don’t know if it’s the Swine Flu or not. I decided to seize the moment and informed the first-graders that whatever this child has, he’s right to stay home, and that he should eat some chicken soup and have some orange juice so he can get healthy faster. That derailed them into a discussion about healthy things to eat and got them off the topic of who’s got what disease.

Speaking of getting derailed…I was saying that parents are keeping kids home who are sick, whether it’s the flu or not. And that’s the best way to keep everyone else healthy, including your sick child, who’s vulnerable to other sick children’s different germs if he’s in school. That’s why Middle Sister was home the past 2 days, though she hasn’t had a fever–she’s clearly sick, and I don’t want her spreading whatever that is to others, or catching what others are spreading around.

And now I have until Monday to decide if I want my children vaccinated for H1N1. Thoughts?

Too Little, Too Late?

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These days, it seems to be all about ID, all the time.

This week I had to go get my driver’s license renewed. Even though I proved four years ago that my marriage is valid in the State of New Jersey, the first time I had to get that special “fake-proof” driver’s license, I had to dig out that marriage certificate again. Not the one from the church, people. The one from the State is the only one they will accept. We won’t discuss the time and gas I wasted on this one, for the second time.

Then I got a letter from the kids’ school. It seems that if I want to continue as a school volunteer, I not only have to go through the VIRTUS training program (done, 3 years ago), but I now have to be fingerprinted and issued a Diocesan ID.

I am going to be treated like a criminal (and required to present, AGAIN, the very same IDs that I had to present this week to the DMV or whatever they’re calling it these days) so that I can stamp library books in my children’s parochial school.

Yes, the parish will pick up the tab (and believe me, I’ll be turning in that receipt!) but the cost is not the point. And believe me, I’m all for Protecting God’s Children. Again, that’s not the point.

Most of the people who are involved in school volunteering, Scouting, coaching and Religious Education are parents. That’s not to say that parents are blameless and that they would never endanger their own children or their children’s friends or classmates. But the vast majority of people who have put the children in the kind of danger that has caused us to need VIRTUS are not parents. Yet we parents must pay. I’ve already paid for my fingerprinting tab through my tuition and my weekly contributions to the parish–so when they reimburse me, it’s just my own money coming back once when I’ve paid twice. Not to mention the time and gas that I’m going to just consider wasted. And apparently, if I forget to bring and wear that Diocesan ID, the school can tell me that I can’t help in the library today.

I wonder how many volunteers the Church and schools will lose because of this policy? I’m not going anywhere, but I’m quite sure that this will chase people off.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot?

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On Monday mornings I volunteer in the library at Middle Sister and Little Brother’s school. It’s a lot of fun. The best part is when I get to read stories, but that doesn’t always happen.

Today there were a lot of books to be returned to the shelves so I was pretty busy with that. We have two basic sections: “Primary Fiction and Nonfiction” and “Everybody Else.” That’s where we sometimes get into problems. Third-graders are really too big for the Primary section, but they can’t read everything in the other section yet. And it’s not always a vocabulary issue. Sometimes it’s a content issue.

While shelving the books, I needed to do a little shifting with the older kids’ paperback books. There were some shelves that were packed so tight that kids couldn’t get books out, never mind put books back in. So I was lurking around that area when the third grade came in to choose their books.

“Can I read this?” one girl asked me. I nearly dropped the whole pile of books I was holding when I turned around to see her with a copy of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

“No, I’ve read that one. That book is not for third-graders,” I told her as I held out my hand for her to give the book to me.

Her friend, who was exploring the books on a lower shelf, piped up: “I saw the movie of that one!”

I just stared at her and said, “That movie wasn’t for third-graders either.”

Ooops. Probably shouldn’t have gone there. But honestly, that movie is not for third-graders. I won’t let my seventh-grader see it, and she’s not reading the book yet either. In my opinion, that book is for high-schoolers and older. Common Sense Media agrees with my assessment on the book and only recommends the movie for ages 11+.

So I hope that the librarian and the aide don’t have to deal with a parent complaining that I shouldn’t have said what I did about the movie. But I’m going to stick by it. People need to be careful and aware of what their children read and see.

I’ll be reading a lot more teen-oriented books in the next weeks, because Middle Sister is reading more (hooray!) but not always stuff I’m acquainted with. We need to be able to talk about these books.

That’s the end of that

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I expressed my concerns about serving on the school board to my pastor, especially this final question: “Why would the school board want a participant who was opposed to the concept of that school, who will not send her children to that school, and who does not have faith in the school’s chances for success?”

Father understood my reservations and suggested that my energies would be better focused elsewhere.

Like my own children’s schools. I do volunteer at my younger kids’ school, but perhaps there is more that can be done. So this whole thing has been good food for thought for me. I’m saying no to this particular school board opportunity, but not to serving Catholic schools.

It’s time for me to focus on what I can do for my kids’ schools that makes them better Catholic learning environments.

More about the School Board Thing

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I really appreciate that so many readers have taken the time to comment–thoughtfully–on yesterday’s post about the school board invitation.

Because my husband was out of town last night, I didn’t get to talk to him about it much. His gut reaction was “say no” until I explained that they were looking for a parent whose children did not attend the school. Of course, we will be discussing it more when he returns from his business trip.

Certainly I consider it an honor to be asked, especially since I was told that more than one person had recommended my name.

A couple of commenters introduced the idea of “ministering to the non-Catholics with a need to have their children in a non-public-school environment.” While I see that point, it is my opinion that for too long Catholic schools have been willing to fill seats with any student, regardless of religious affiliation, for the sake of filling seats, rather than engaging in the outreach and, yes, marketing that it takes to attract and keep Catholic families in the schools. The primary mission of a Catholic school should be to educate Catholic children. It’s not so much that the school is providing a “moral environment” for children of any faith, although naturally that happens. It’s that the school should be providing a “faith environment” for children of the Catholic faith.

I believe very strongly that parishes and schools have absolutely failed in this regard. They have rolled over and watched as family after family pulled out of Catholic schools in favor of public schools, sometimes with very lame excuses. My pastor informed me yesterday that he believes that the parochial-school model is dead; regionalization is the only way that any Catholic schools will survive–essentially because of finances. That may be true now, but my belief is that this is due to that failure by schools and parishes to teach parents the value of a Catholic education. My husband commented yesterday, “They have lost a whole generation.” We both believe that once you lose people in the Catholic school system, you don’t get them back. You don’t get their children back either.

Frankly, sometimes it gets discouraging to have a commitment to Catholic education when the schools keep being pulled out from under us. Middle Sister started fifth grade in her THIRD Catholic school–and we had not moved during that time. We’re hoping the school she and Little Brother attend now will stick around until he graduates.

Meanwhile, I am putting together a list of questions. Some of these have come directly from yesterday’s comments (thank you again!) If my pastor (who approached me about this) cannot answer them, I will request that he put me in touch with someone who can. I’m going to post my questions here and probably add to the list as I think of more.

–What exactly is expected of a school board member in terms of time, service and financial commitment?

–Why are they looking for someone outside the school community to serve?

–I don’t know if my parish is considered a “sending” parish–I doubt that we have ANY children in that school. Is it that they want students from my parish, and would I be expected to market the school to other parents in my parish? (That would leave me with a huge conflict of interest, as I would have a hard time marketing a school in which I refused to enroll my own children.)

–What expertise are they looking for me to bring to the table?

–After painful experiences with a school closure in the past, I harbor a certain distrust of the diocesan committees that are set up to “seek feedback” but that I believe have already made the decisions before seeking the feedback. I’ve been in that position before. Am I being asked to participate in such a venture again?

–Why would the school board want a participant who was opposed to the concept of that school, who will not send her children to that school, and who does not have faith in the school’s chances for success?