From deep in the archives–ten years ago:
Last week I read on Happy Catholic that “sorrow is an act of the will, not of feeling.”
I was chewing on that all week long, it seems.
Last night I had a very odd dream. At the end, I was sitting at a picnic table with a priest who was my pastor until 4 1/2 years ago, when we changed parishes after a series of events that left us angry, confused and heartbroken. And we felt that the pastor was doing nothing about it, and didn’t care.
In my dream last night I told this priest, “I’m still angry.” And he answered, “I know.” And THEN I said, “I wonder if anger is like sorrow–an act of the will?”
After 4 1/2 years, I think it is. We’re back at that parish now, with a different pastor, and that has been very healing to us. But there’s still some anger there, obviously. Why do I still hang on to that?
Ten years later, I have to admit I’m still hanging on to some of that anger, that feeling of betrayal.
Holding on to a grudge? Clearly, it’s my superpower–and not just in this situation. It’s not a good superpower to have, either. I have yet to find a way to use my ability to hold a grudge for good.
If holding on to anger is an act of the will, so is letting go. That’s what I need to focus on.