Tag: parenting

Late for Mass: Have I Missed the Boat?

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get me to the church on time

Tomorrow will be the last day for 5+ weeks that I can get to daily Mass on time.

That’s because The Kid will be attending theater camp, which begins at 9 AM (the same time as Mass), 3 towns away.

Last summer I tried going to Mass at one of the 2 parishes close to the camp, but I was late getting there, and I didn’t feel comfortable walking into an unfamiliar church after Mass had begun.

Punctuality is a thing with me. I hate to be late. I hate when others are late. And now I have to choose between being late to Mass or not being there at all. I hate that idea even more.

So today I asked Father what he thought about me slipping into Mass late. Yes, I would be later, even, than if I attended Mass at one of those other churches, but I’d be at my “home base” and I felt better about approaching the issue this way.

Father assured me that because I wasn’t going to be late because I was too busy hitting the snooze alarm, but rather because I was doing something my child needs me to do for him, I’d be OK.

I will make a special effort to read the daily Mass readings ahead of time, because I’ll probably miss some of them. Fortunately I can go to CatholicMom.com each morning for the Daily Gospel Reflection and catch the readings there.

And if I get The Kid to camp a bit early, I can send him in as soon as the adults arrive. That will get me on my way a little earlier.

Finally, I’ll slide into a pew in the way back, rather than my usual spot nearer the front, so I won’t be as much of a distraction.

I’m thankful for the reassurance I got this morning about my plan to try getting to Mass after the camp dropoff each day. And that reassurance I got today will help me remember not to judge others who don’t arrive on time. Maybe they’re taking care of a family member’s needs too.

I guess the only thing I still need to know is: who’s the patron saint against getting speeding tickets? I’ll have to put him on speed-dial!

#WorthRevisit: Bells Are Ringing

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worth revisitI’m linking up at Worth Revisiting Wednesday, hosted by Theology is a Verb and Reconciled to You. As the school year draws to a close, I’m revisiting this post from June 2013.

Bells Are Ringing

This morning I went to Mass at the school, because they were honoring the parents who volunteered during the school year. Usually I avoid this event (it’s a social-anxiety thing) but Little Brother was persistent in telling me he really wanted me to be there.

He’s 11. How much longer is he going to be happy to see his mom volunteering at school? I returned the form saying I’d attend the Mass and social afterward.

When I got there, dripping from the rain because TheDad had mistakenly taken both our umbrellas to work with him, a smiling student met me at the church door and told me that all the volunteers were supposed to sit up front. So I did, because Little Brother wanted me to be there.

Fortunately there was no naming of names, just a group “all volunteers please stand up so we can thank you” at the end of Mass. I could deal with that.

Afterwards, we went into the cafegymatorium for a nice little reception. There were two decorated tables with these cute gifts that the first and second grades had put together–with handwritten thank-you notes from the kids. There were smiling seventh-graders pouring our coffee and juice and inviting us to take fruit and pastries.

I sat next to a mom whose oldest son is in Little Brother’s class, and across the table from a mom whom I don’t know, but who had a beautiful one-year-old daughter with her. The little girl had made an impression on me during Mass; she was very quiet most of the time, but when the altar server rang the bell, she exclaimed, “Yay! Bells!” Both times.

That reminded me of Little Brother at the same age. Big Brother was an altar server then, and I was up front with the choir. TheDad would sit in the back with Little Brother, and when the servers rang the bells, Little Brother would yell, “Big Brother’s ringing the bells!” You could hear him throughout the whole church.

I was telling the other moms at my table about this, and the mom with a boy in Little Brother’s class said that her sons used to ask her why the servers rang the bells. Her answer was that they ring the bells to show that this is an important moment. Of course, the next week, when the bells would ring, one of her boys would (loudly) say, “It’s an important moment, right, Mom?”

I was dreading that reception, and even thought about ducking out on it, but I’m glad I went. I’m glad I sat with moms who bring their children to Mass. I’m glad my child attends this school where the kids are taken to church and can learn about Jesus and why it’s an important moment when the bells ring. I’m glad that the parents can share, through funny stories about what their own kids did in church, how we help our children understand those important moments.

Mommy Dangerfield Moment

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IMG_0423You’d think I’d have figured this out by now.

But maybe I really DO have “DOORMAT” stamped on my forehead.

The issue here is respect for my time, respect I don’t feel I’m getting from my family.

I work from home. That doesn’t have to mean that I’m 100% available 100% of the time just because someone couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed in time to catch the school bus.

Because Hubs enjoys spending a few minutes in the morning driving The Kid to school, he’s been enabled in his slugabed ways. Hubs is away on business this week, though, and that leaves me to do the driving, whether or not it happens to fit into my plans for the day. Those plans begin at 7:40 AM–when the bus rolls away.

When I complain, they both act as if I’m being unreasonable in expecting The Kid to get moving in the morning and make it onto the bus.

I don’t think it should be on me to rearrange my schedule because someone wanted to catch a few more Zs.

I’m willing to dump my plans at the drop of a hat when medical necessity is involved. It’s a big part of the reason I work from home. But why is my schedule always subject to change when someone else decides to be lazy?

The way I see it, I have limited choices here. I don’t want to call a halt to Hubs’ time with The Kid in the morning, because it’s something they both enjoy.

These are things I can do and need to do:

  1. Work with The Kid to establish a better morning routine that will get him out the door in time for the school bus.
  2. Give The Kid the responsibility of finding out whether Hubs is available to drive him to school–the night before.
  3. Determine a reasonable plan of action for those days when Hubs can’t drive The Kid, who then misses the bus anyway.

Number 3 is going to be the hardest one, because everyone thinks that because my job allows for a flexible schedule, they can be the ones to decide to flex it.

photoMeanwhile, I’m going to read the chapter on “Organizing Your Time” in Katharine Grubb’s new book, Write a Novel in 10 Minutes a Day. (No, I’m not writing a novel, but there are plenty of ideas in here that will apply.)

Because I’m not willing to start my workday at 8:30. And I shouldn’t have to. Early morning is my most productive time, and I want to make the most of that.

I need to start setting the example here and respect my own time.

Wake Up, You Sleepyhead

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Any parent of a teenager knows how difficult it is to get that teenager out of bed on a school day.

zits 011512
ZITS comic, January 15, 2012

 

The ZITS comic has this topic as a recurring, and always hilarious, theme.

Normally I find myself increasingly annoyed by my role as the Human Snooze Alarm for TheKid. But today something different happened.

Me: “Come on, it’s time to wake up. You have to get up for school.”

Kid: “Mmmmm…who’s going to be the president after Abe Lincoln?”

Me: “Ulysses S. Grant.”

Kid: (smiles widely, nods hugely, rolls over and continues sleeping.)

Turning the Tables: Working Mother

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When an author releases a new book, she often schedules a virtual book tour on various blogs. These tours feature interviews, promotions and book reviews. I’ve hosted several stops on virtual blog book tours as a way to help authors promote their new books.

erin mccole cupp author photoMy friend Erin McCole-Cupp has taken a different route upon the December 28 release of her novella, Working Mother. She’s interviewing a bunch of moms at her own blog, and today is my turn!

It was an honor to be interviewed as part of Erin’s promotion of her newest piece of short fiction. I’d like to tell you a bit about the story:

Working Mother is a well-researched piece of short fiction in which the Holy Family, in exile in Egypt after King Herod’s slaughter of the innocents, faces a crisis after Joseph is injured at work. Living hand-to-mouth in a refugee camp, Mary seizes an opportunity to help support her family while Joseph recovers from his injury.

working motherThis short story proves that Erin McCole-Cupp’s writing chops aren’t limited to the 80s (see Don’t You Forget About Me), the future (see Jane E., Friendless Orphan) or the 90s (see her highly-anticipated sequel to DYFAM, currently in progress).

I love the cover image on this book, which was published by Full Quiver Publishing.

And I loved the story. I hope that Erin’s imagination will lead her to continue the tale. After all, we’ve only got that one story of Jesus’ youth–the Finding in the Temple at the age of 12. And then there’s nothing until his public ministry when he was about 30. That should give Erin plenty to work with.

Enjoy Working Mother. The short story is only 99 cents and it speaks to the devotion of the Blessed Mother for her son and for her husband. I give it 5 stars, and I want to read more!

 

7QT: Summer of the Street Urchins

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7_quick_takes_sm1

The 7 Quick Takes today are hosted at an alternate site while the usual hostess is on vacation, so THANK YOU to Kathryn at Team Whitaker for stepping in as a substitute!

Little Brother, age 12, has a pack of friends whom I have nicknamed The Street Urchins. Middle Sister thinks that’s mean, but I just call ’em like I see ’em. There are four Street Urchins on this block. Three of them live in divided households (one lives with his grandparents, so he splits things three ways). The fourth’s parents own a restaurant, so he seems to be left to his own devices as often as the others, who could be here for several hours, spanning two mealtimes, without any adult looking for them.

I don’t mind if the Street Urchins play at my house or swim in my pool, but I do insist on some house rules, and yesterday things got pretty rocky in that department, and I told them all to go outside or go home. I might have raised my voice. (Sorry, not sorry.)

I don’t put up with their nonsense because I don’t want these guys, in 4 years, to be the ones binge-drinking at someone’s house party and destroying property/mistreating others. Looking into those faces yesterday, I could see where this could happen. I’m not their parent, but if they’re at my house, they’re playing by my rules.

Without further ado, here are the 7 things I expect from visiting Street Urchins.

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RESPECT THE ADULTS. Say hello when you arrive and goodbye when you leave. I deserve to know who is in my house/yard/pool. If I provided a snack or a meal, thank me for that. Don’t rant because the pizza isn’t from your preferred source.

-2-

RESPECT THE OTHER KIDS. You are too old to tattle-tale over nothing, and that’s not a nice way to treat your friends.

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RESPECT MY HOME. Don’t throw things in the house. (That goes double for the pieces of the remote control that you tossed behind the couch.) Put away what you take out. My pantry is not your pantry.

-4-

RESPECT MY TIME. You live on this block. If you want to swim in my pool, bring your own towel. I am not your laundress.

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RESPECT MY HOSPITALITY. If you want a snack, ask. If you have a snack, clean up your mess.

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RESPECT YOUR OWN GROWNUPS. If they call here or show up here and tell you it’s time to leave, do not make them wait until you play one more round of a video game.

-7-

RESPECT MY POOL. Have fun but swim safely. Don’t climb on the sides. Check in with me before you swim and before you leave.

Sometimes it does take a village to raise a child, when that child’s own personal adults don’t take responsibility. These children are in my village, and when they play here, they’ll play by the same rules my own kids must follow.

Small Success Thursday and BIG Successes Too!

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Small-Success-Thursday-400pxIt’s Small Success Thursday, and we’re celebrating those little things that can just plain make your day, because we get it. Stop on by CatholicMom.com and share your own small successes in the comments–or link your blog post!

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I enjoyed a substitute-teaching gig with the third grade on Tuesday. This really is a terrific age. I only had to tie two shoes (same kid) and I came home with two Easter-bunny pictures that kids made for me during free time after they finished a test.

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On Sunday we attended the cast party for the high-school play. That’s always a social-anxiety nightmare for me, even though I met and worked with many of the other parents during Tech Week. (I’m fine when I have a job to do.) But we ran into a family we’ve known since Big Brother was about 7, and haven’t seen in a while, so we enjoyed the time catching up and I didn’t have to sweat the whole fitting-in thing.

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My most fun success of the week happened last night during choir practice. We’re a folk group, so we rehearse at my house, where the kids can hang out and we can hang out, without being disrespectful by playing Beatles tunes in church after practice is over. And we celebrate birthdays with singing and treats. Last night we had JUST finished singing “Happy Birthday” to one of our members (complete with guitar accompaniment) when the phone rang.

It was Rutgers University (my husband’s alma mater) who had called the night before at 9:30 PM. I guess they’re trying to raise funds. Our discretionary income is all tied up in our kids’ educations, so they won’t find any funds here. I motioned to the guitarist to start the song again and picked up the phone.

By the end of the chorus, the telemarketer had hung up. And then the birthday girl blew out the candles.

And now for the Big Stuff:

Big Brother got a job! He graduates LaSalle University in 4 weeks with a degree in computer science and he has landed a job in his field. We’re all excited for him, and very proud.

We’re also proud of Middle Sister, who accepted LaSalle University’s offer of admission with an academic scholarship plus a Resident Scholar Award, for students who have what it takes to contribute to the resident-student community.

And it looks like the whole mess over Little Brother’s continuous-glucose monitor may be working itself out. Thank you so much for prayers on that score.

This Couldn’t Wait for Thursday

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I think I get to call it a “Small Success” that I didn’t completely lose my mind when:aXE

  • Little Brother stepped in dog poop while wearing his fairly-new soccer shoes
  • He brought the befouled shoes into the house to ask me what to do
  • I handed him an old toothbrush for the scrubbing job, instructing him to dispose of it outside when he was done
  • He brought the dripping-wet shoes back into the house…
  • …intending to spray them with Axe to make them smell better
  • I got him some paper towels so he could leave the shoes on the porch

And through all of that, I remained calm and did not yell, shout or go all Screaming Meemie on him.

I’ll have to think of something else for Small Success Thursday, because this one just couldn’t wait.

Biting Off More Than You Can Chew

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(And this time, it’s not me doing this.)

I got a message from the director of Little Brother’s current show (Little Mermaid, Junior–the children’s production at the local theater this year). The show is double-cast because so many kids tried out AND to allow the kids to rest. This way each child only has to appear in 8 performances instead of all 16. (This mama approves.) Anyway, Little Brother is a member of the Turf cast, but the director wanted to know if he could switch to the Surf cast (cool names!) because the other kid playing Grimsby has a schedule conflict.

LMJBecause the other kid is in another show. A show that opens the same week as this show. So there are conflicts with performances and rehearsals. The other kid had already been cast in this other show when he auditioned for LMJ.

According to Little Brother, there are several kids in the cast who are in the same situation. I got the same impression when I sat around the Green Room on audition night, and it’s only been reinforced by what other parents say as we sit around waiting for rehearsals to end.

These kids are in two shows, each of which rehearses at least twice a week. In addition, they are taking lessons in dance and/or gymnastics and/or voice and/or instruments; they are involved in at least one team sport; some of them are Scouts. WHEN THE HECK DO THEY EAT, SLEEP, STUDY AND PLAY?!

ANYway. These kids are in two shows at the same time. There were kids who didn’t get a part–because other kids (and their parents) thought it was a good idea for their kids to be in two shows at the same time, and there are only so many roles to go around, even with a double cast.

Maybe there are reasons here that I do not see, but I don’t get how this is a good idea.

And I’m willing to bet that these are the same kids who, when they’re seniors in high school, will apply to 25 universities and then wait until May 1 to decide, thus keeping other kids on the waiting list.

When you’re a member of a group, team, cast or ensemble and you double-book yourself, you’re not doing the rest of your group any favors. I wish the parents of these overextended kids would put their collective feet down instead of indulging their kids’ whims (or their own.)

End rant.

Book Review: Yes, God!

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Yes God by Susie LloydI’ve long been a fan of Susie Lloyd’s work (how can you resist a book titled Please Don’t Drink the Holy Water?) Anyone who’s a parent can relate to the tales she tells of her kids’ shenanigans.

In her latest book, Susie uses her famous sense of humor and encouraging style for a different purpose:  to inspire vocations to the priesthood and religious life.

I think she’s on to something here. The point she makes in Yes, God is that regular, everyday families can raise children who grow up to do extraordinary things for the Church and the world.

Each chapter in this short book contains a vocation story, a family story, a prayer, and Susie’s own commentary on the stories told by 5 young priests and 5 more young Sisters. These are not old stories about senior citizens; they focus on recent vocation stories.

Susie celebrates parents who say “Yes” to duty, affection, strength, spiritual poverty, tradition, the greatest commandment, generosity, humility and patience–in the regular, everyday circumstances and events of their lives. Even as the stories are told, you see Susie’s trademark sense of humor shining through in the telling–and you’ll find it in her encouraging reflections as well. Here’s an excerpt from the chapter on Generosity to illustrate:

How could I relate to Father’s parents, who worked so hard that I get tired just reading about it? Don’t they seem a bit like those saints written about long ago, who were born fasting? I don’t know about you, but I automatically separate those saints out in my mind as more angelic than human. I can’t relate. Therefore, I can’t imitate. Please, Lord, hold me excused.

For the record, I’m not above leaving this book around where one or another of my kids might take a peek inside. It couldn’t hurt, right?